KISS & GO

Is your child having trouble getting out of the car at school drop off? Do you or school staff "have" to walk your child inside the school or do anything else to help your child feel comfortable before or during school? Do you wish you could just Kiss and Go? If so, join us as we discuss a Kiss & Go drop off protocol to help you separate from your child at school drop off with confidence and love.

instructor

Randy Floyd, LSCSW, Founder, Clinical Level Therapist

Randy is the founder of Midwest Anxiety.  He is a Licensed Specialist Clinical Social Worker who is an optimist and passionate about helping people focus on what they can do rather than what they can't do.  Randy believes that building a strong therapeutic relationship and tapping into a person's strengths are the most essential components of the therapeutic experience.  Randy is passionate about changing the way we do mental health.  He is focused on making mental health normal, a positive experience.  He is also adamant about doing mental health differently.  Randy believes the "old ways" suggest mental health is for the "broken" or "mentally ill."  Randy believes that "Everyone Struggles."  Sure.  Some people struggle more than others, but everyone struggles with something.  With this belief, Randy is focused on providing a wide range of programs and services to help people be mentally well ;) Go give Randy a fist bump on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Class Recording

The goal to having successful separation from your child at drop off is to stay calm, consistent, and confident as a parent.

Limit Your Reassurance, Accommodations, and Avoidance

Lessening your child's anxiety for the short term (today) only reinforces it for the long term.  It keeps coming back and strengthening.

Reassurances- Be careful not to overly TELL your child things to make it easier.  Your child will become dependent on hearing those reassurances from you over and over.  At the most tell your child "Whatever happens you can handle it."

Accomodations- Be careful not to overly DO things for your child to make it easier.  Your child will be accustomed to these accommodations and it will be more difficult to get back to the norm.

Avoidance- Be careful not to help your child avoid the anxiety.  Show your confidence that your child can "handle it" by suggesting going into the anxiety.

Ask your child lots of questions.  Help him/her problem solve.  Don't fix it for them.  Have them take responsibility for managing anxiety. 

morning routine

Develop a system that operates in the background.  Don't get into the prompting business.  Eat your bon bons in the morning ;)

  1. Constantly evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in the morning.  Remain balanced.  Matter of fact. 

  2. Make a schedule that has the time and activity.  Let your child regulate if he/she is off on time and activity.  Try not to step in.

  3. Focus on effort not achievement. Randomly reward positives.  Consequence by "owing" not being on time.

  4. Don't get caught up being late to school.

  5. If your child is late to school, work with school to hold your child accountable for being late.

behavioral modification SYSTEM

Consequences: Your child will “owe” you time.  Owing you time can include anything from chores to writing you a letter how your child will handle the situation differently next time.  Your child does not do anything “fun” (watch TV, video games, play with toys, etc) until ALL the time is owed back.  The goal of this is for your child to determine that he/she is giving self consequence and he/she does not have consequence if makes good choice.  It is very important to keep track of time in minutes and seconds and consequence be for exactly that amount of time.

Rewards:  Give "Random Rewards." A “Random Reward” is any reward you give your child when he/she doesn’t expect it.  Give Random Rewards to reinforce positive behaviors (i.e. putting shoes on without your help, smiling, etc.)  The main point of a Random Reward is to reward them randomly when they least expect it.  For example, “Wow you did such an awesome job this morning, lets celebrate and go get ice cream.” Rewards are not to be given on a schedule of “you do this, you get this.”

Drop OFF

Separation Anxiety Disorder is a psychological condition in which an individual has excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a mother). Separation anxiety is often characterized by some of the following symptoms: persistent, excessive worrying about losing the subject of attachment, persistent, excessive worrying that some event will lead to separation from a major attachment, excessive fear about being alone without subject of attachment, persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure (like a mother), recurrent nightmares about separation, difficulties with drop off at activities (school, birthday parties, sporting events).

Note: It is highly encouraged the child, parents, and school agree to the specifics of this protocol prior to initiation.  It is important that child separate from parent by choice rather than a teacher, counselor, principal, etc. intervening by pulling, carrying, distracting child.

1.       Determine how long you will allow for complete separation (typical drop-off) from child (at least 2 weeks).

2.       Discuss with your child in confident (non-negotiating) voice that complete separation will occur within established time.  It is important for child to see that parent is calm, confident, and in control.

3.       Give child choice to determine gradual plan for separation such that child chooses specific places in school to separate.  Always begin separating at classroom and then move backwards from classroom.  For example:     

Aug. 23 - 26: Drop off at classroom

Aug. 27 - 31:  Drop off at school office

Sept. 1 – 4:  Drop off at front door

Sept. 5:  Drop off at curb

The important part is to establish that you will determine when complete separation will occur and the child can choose how it happens.  It is very important for the child to understand that once you drop off at a certain point from the classroom that you will not move closer to the classroom again.

4.     At drop off point you will say one (only one) good bye.  You will then become non-negotiating and not talk to your child, no eye contact again.  If you need balance, stand against a wall.  You will wait for the child to separate from you.  This is very important, as you want the child to begin learning and have confidence that he/she can separate from you.  You have to be prepared that the first several times that it may take an extended period of time for your child to separate.  It is important that you not give in early if you want child to learn that you are not going to give in.  If you stay strong, separation will occur but you have to wait it out.

5.     Establish for every second your child is late to class, your child will have to stay after school or have to “owe” you at home for the amount of time your child is late to class. It works best if the school will allow your child to stay after school for the time he/she is late.  If staying after school is not an option, then when your child gets home they have “owe” you for every second they were late.  Owing you time can include anything from chores to writing you a letter how separation will be different the next drop off.  The child does not do anything “fun” (watch TV, video games, play with toys, etc) until ALL the time is owed back.  The goal of this is for your child to determine that he/she is giving self consequence and he/she does not have consequence if not late.  It is very important to keep track of time in minutes and seconds and consequence be for exactly that amount of time.

6.    Give “Random Rewards” when your child is being brave, separating from you.  A “Random Reward” is any reward you give your child when he/she doesn’t expect it.  Pick out all the things that you want your child to do on his/her own (i.e. walking into school without holding your hand, smiling, etc.)  The main point of a Random Reward is to reward them randomly when they least expect it.  Maybe randomly reward when you pick up your child from school, “Wow you did such an awesome job this morning, lets celebrate and go get an ice cream.” Rewards are not to be given on a schedule of “you do this, you get this.”

What's Next?

  1. Nothing.  Just let it ride and see how it goes ;)

  2. Take some more LIVE or Pre-Recorded classes.  This class pairs well with Kiss & Go, School Refusal: Parents, Socially Anxious, Growth Mindset for Parents. 

  3. Need more help than just a class?  Try Individual Therapy.

  4. Stay connected with us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube.

Resources

Limits and Restrictions:

The materials distributed are provided with the understanding that the author and presenters are not engaged in rendering professional services. This is a psychoeducational class and information in the presentations or group discussions by the presenters, facilitators, or participants should not be considered to be medical, psychological, legal, financial, or spiritual counsel. The presentations and written materials are not intended to provide medical, psychological, legal, financial, or spiritual services or counseling. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Any opinions, finding, recommendations or conclusions expressed by the author(s) or speaker(s) do not necessarily reflect the views of Midwest Anxiety, LLC.